Your ability to tolerate stress depends on many factors, but just how much stress is “too much” differs from person to person. Factors that influence your stress tolerance level include:
Your support network.
A strong network of supportive friends and family members is an excellent asset in combating stress. When you have people you can count on, life’s pressures don’t seem as overwhelming.
Your sense of control.
If you have confidence that God is in control and He is with you and helping you, it’s easier to take stress in stride. It is also helpful when you realize that you have choices and tools to help you combat stress. On the other hand, if you believe there’s little you can do to help yourself...if you feel like you’re at the mercy of your environment and circumstances—stress is more likely to impact you negatively.
Your attitude and outlook.
The way you look at life and challenges does make a difference in how well you can handle stress. If you have an attitude of gratitude and look for the blessings amid the struggles, it makes a tremendous difference in how well you cope with stress. Stress resilient people tend to see God as bigger than their problems, know the importance of a sense of humor, believe in a higher purpose, and accept change as an inevitable part of life.
If you don’t know how to calm and soothe yourself when you’re feeling sad, angry, or troubled, you’re more likely to become stressed and agitated. Learning to become self-aware and appropriately deal with your emotions can help you tolerate stress better and help you bounce back from adversity.
Your knowledge and preparation.
The more you know about a stressful situation, including how long it will last and what to expect, the easier it is to cope. For example, if you go into surgery with a realistic picture of what to expect post-op, a painful recovery will be less stressful than if you were hoping to bounce back immediately. Knowledge is power, and the more you can learn to help yourself, the better.
Personality and the environment in which we grew up also impact how well we deal or don’t deal with stress, illness, grief, and loss.
No two people grieve the same way, and everyone responds to stress differently as well. What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for someone else, and it often takes experimenting with different techniques and strategies to see what works for you.
There are many healthy ways to manage and cope with stress, but they all require change and consistency. Sometimes we can change a situation, but if we cannot change it, we can learn how to change our reaction to it. When deciding which option to choose, it’s helpful to think of the four A’s: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.
We can’t avoid all stress, and avoiding something we must confront is not a healthy way of coping, but we can eliminate many stressors in life.
Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Boundaries are crucial to our lives and well-being. Whether in your personal or professional life, refuse to accept added responsibilities when you know you’re close to reaching your limit. Taking on more than you can handle is a surefire way to sabotage yourself.
Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life and doesn’t respect your boundaries, if you are able, limit the amount of time you spend with that person or end the relationship entirely.
Take control of what you can – If the news makes you anxious or upset, tune it out. If social media upsets you, take a break. If traffic makes you tense, take a longer less-traveled route. If going shopping drains you, do your shopping online. Every small step you can take to help yourself will add up.
Avoid distressing topics – If you get upset by specific issues, give yourself permission to bow out of conversations when those topics come up. You don’t have to participate in every argument, and you shouldn’t waste your energy, breath, or time rehashing the same conversations if you know someone is set in their ways or opinions. Sometimes having peace is more important than being right.
Pare down your to-do list – Evaluate and prioritize your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you have too much on your plate, drop the things on your to-do list that aren’t necessary. Remember, what you prefer and what is vital are usually two different things.
Stress management strategy #2: Alter the situation
If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Figure out what you can do to change things. Sometimes just a simple thing like expressing your feelings instead of bottling them up can make a difference. If something or someone is bothering you, communicate your feelings. If you don’t say what you feel, resentment will build, making a stressful situation worse.
Be more assertive if needed. You are your best advocate, and you know your limits better than anyone. If you don’t speak up for yourself, you can’t blame others for what you accept. Do your best to deal with problems and anticipate and prevent them.
Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you’re stretched too thin and running behind, it’s hard to stay calm and focused. If you plan and don’t overextend yourself, you can often lower your stress level.
Stress management strategy #3: Adapt to the stressor
If you can’t change the stressor, change how you look at it and deal with it. Reframe problems. You can choose how you view and react to stressful situations. Instead of getting upset about traffic, listen to praise music or a sermon. Use the time to pray, and enjoy alone time with the Lord. Often what we look at as annoyances might be God’s hand of guidance or protection.
Look at the big picture. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it worth getting upset? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a source of avoidable stress, and all we can do is our best. Don’t expect more of yourself than God does. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough,” especially when your plate is full, or dealing with illness, grief, loss, or other stressful situations.
Focus on the positive. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on your blessings. Thank the Lord for His strength and promises. God says He inhabits the praises of His people. Sometimes what we offer up is a sacrifice of praise. If you’re in such a dark place that you can’t think of anything to be thankful for, thank Him for the things that could be wrong and aren’t!
Adjusting Your Attitude
How you think can have a profound effect on your emotional and physical well-being. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in a tension-filled situation. If you see good things about yourself, you are more likely to feel good; the reverse is also true. Eliminate words such as "always," "never," "should," and "must." These are telltale marks of self-defeating thoughts. See more on this topic here.
Stress management strategy #4: Accept the things you can’t change
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or the troubling things going on in our world. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept the things you can’t change. Acceptance may be difficult, but it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change in the long run.
Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control— particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control, such as how you choose to react to problems.
Look for the upside. As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” When facing significant challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them, and learn from your mistakes.
Share your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. Expressing what you’re going through can be very helpful, even if nothing can change in a stressful situation.
Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentment. Free yourself by forgiving.
